There's an ant on my window, it smelled something sweet
Has he ever faced heart break? Does she know about defeat?

There's an ant on my window, and he has many friends
Do you think that they're talking? Are they talking about me?

There's some ants on my window, and I'm watching them go,
Each of them together working in a synchronized flow

It's the first snow during the last year you believe in Christmas magic,
It's the desire to watch the tornado form even though the storm is heavy,
It's 9 am on the first fall morning of your freshman year of high-school,
It's your favorite sweater fresh out of the dryer,
It's the warmth from your mug of coffee radiating to your palms at 5 am,
It's the last laugh at your first slumber party before you fall asleep,
It's the sun creeping over the trees,
It's the sound of your Playstation starting up after a 3 month hiatus,
It's Thursday,
It's orange sun rays warming my skin,
It's a thick navy blue university that you never went to sweater,
It's fuzzy slippers,
It's Holiday themed squishmallows,
It's potato soup that your mom makes on Sunday,
It's cookie dough ice cream at midnight,
It's a warm cinnamon roll in the morning,
It's the number 22,
It's the way that when I close my eyes all I think of is you.

I'm restless
I'm aching
I want you to text me

I'm texting
I'm pacing
I want you to text me

I'm staring
I'm crying
I want you to text me

I'm shaking
I'm numb
You're not gonna text me

I've always been in love with who I hoped you could be, not who you are.

The world is awake
My eyelids are heavy
I make my coffee
But don't want to get ready
Another day without you
24 hours I'm dreading
I miss your sleepy good morning
But I know it's not happening

I found a seashell next to your picture today.
I'm not sure how it got out of its jar
I'd like to think you moved it there.
That was your way of letting me know everything's okay
And that it's been a while since I talked to you last

And sometimes
When I place my earbuds in
I don't hit play right away
I hesitate
Because in the silence
If I close my eyes
I swear I hear your laughter

You can't find love in the arms of someone who doesn't love you,

That didn't stop me from searching  
 all night.

Once I was a caterpillar,
Curious but often naive,
Observing from the ground,
Waiting for my time to leave.

Then I was a luna moth,
Silhouette whispering to the moon,
Drawn to the heat and fleeting warmth,
Of men who did what they wanted to do.

When I was a black widow,
A man eater they'd say,
I lived recklessly in my villian era,
Until my empathy got in the way.

I think I'll try again as a hermit,
Not very brave but tired of bleeding,
I traverse through this sand,
Longing for a shell that won't demand meaning.

Can you say my name one more time?
Softly, like the fog in the early morning
I just want to see if it still gives me goosebumps
Can you tell me my favorite color?
Quietly, like nighttime rain
I just want to remember how it felt to be remembered

I'll fight you to the death
Over every trivial detail
About things we can't unsay
Moments years have passed

I'll fight you till I bleed
If it means you won't leave

I'll fight you every day
For the months yet to come
Even tho you'll never be my home again

Its still contact
No matter where it lands

I don’t think I should write about you,
I think I should keep these thoughts to myself.
No one wants to read about what we once felt.
Is it therapeutic, or does it just make me miss you more?
Never mind, it doesn’t matter—I'm the one who shut that door.
Is what I miss even real, or is longing for you painting us with bliss?

You had the hours I could never find,
I needed silence—you required quick replies,
Patience isn’t promised just because it's implied.
Maybe I crave you because, deep down, I knew it’d never work out.
Your quiet chaos battled my loud catastrophe,
Succumbing to you was a kind of personal blasphemy.

I'm minding my business, I've got things to do,
Yet my skin is tingling, I think I feel you
Do I just ignore it? Do I give into chase?
Either way I know I'm ****** once I see your face

A heartache so close, a whisper so far
Every shadow around me turns to where you are,
I pace this map, acting like I'm fine
But your presence sends electrical shivers down my spine

I said I was done, it was my means of escape
But I've always hit the exit gates just after it's too late,
You see my scratch marks, a residual trail for you how great

I never meant to linger, never meant to be seen,
But you track me like blood, like you know where I'll be,
I loop around my guilt, vault over your grace,
Still caught in your terror radius, heart stuck in this place.

You avoid me, and that's okay
I never see you in places where we used to spend the day

I avoided you, its not alright
No one wants a stranger in the sun who plays wifey only at night

I'll never hold you, and that *****
We could have had a beautiful life but I ran out of luck

Or maybe it was patience, I've never had enough
You're the only man to call me out and see right through the tough

And that was eerie, like you knew what I was all along,
A big surprise with big brown eyes,
Who eventually grew weary

That's what they all do, they tire of my games
Even when its truly love no one wants it at arms length

Tell me not to think of you anymore, tell me to disappear without a trace.
Tell me to shut the **** up, that you don't even want to think of my face.

See I can't stop until I'm embarrassed, apparently I haven't reached that threshold yet.
Tell me you're so mad you can't bare it, that every minute of your time went to waste.

Tell me you don't like me, don't sugar coat it like you tend to do, tell me to go back to whatever hell I came from and that you'll be better off if I'm far away from you.

My feet move forward but my mind stays stuck,
I walked this road alone before, I tried to stop picturing you with me, no luck.
Though I know you're long gone, I still see you peripherally,
A shadow seeped into the corner of every memory.

Everyone I've ever loved has a home in me,
I let go in body, but in spirit you're weaved.
A tasty snack, an even better smell,
You're in my air, in this breeze, embodying a perfect  nostalgic hell.

I have new goals, new friends, new skills
From time to time I still think of our thrills,
Sometimes it's quiet reflection, sometimes its tearful and loud,
It's wild how I can still find you in once familiar sounds.

I can't bring you back but how I wish I could, if I could do it all differently believe that I would,
If I found you now would the spark remain the same?
Souls are so fragile, and who knows what time has changed.

Three years a mother
                       Look at you so tall!

Three years a juggler
                        Be careful don't fall!

A mother, a lover, a nurse, a friend
                        Go on now baby let's hear you count to ten!

A sometimes yes to the invite
                           Poor baby has the flu!

An often last minute cancelation
                           The sitter has something else to do!

I feel so tired, exhausted, and lonely
                           Wake up little baby let's get dressed for the day!

Not welcome in spaces where once I was praised
                            Come on goofy girl we've got a busy day!

But I can be a mother and love you just the same
                            Good job my baby you said your own name!

Ill pack up your things,
Toss them in the yard,
Your clothes and my rings,
I'll throw them so ******* far

You don't have to worry,
They'll be back in their places tomorrow,
I'll make you breakfast I'm sorry,
I know better than to act on my sorrow

The comings days will be fine,
A few weeks of apologetic bliss,
I know you'll keep crossing my boundary line,
But **** I crave your venomous kiss

I do wish we hadn't met actually
I don't want to ache like this
Because of you I know things can be different,
And it's me who sits around complacent
You made my mind feel young again
And I had the audacity to wish

I dreamt of airplanes, and long drives through the states,
Coffee dates in the morning, every night staying up to game.

I pictured a wedding! One where I say I do.
That would have never happened if I never came across you.
I'm dissecting my feelings, which isn't unusual to do, but I'm doing it from your perspective, and you'll never know so *******.

If I never knew you I could have just stayed on my path, not wondered what different, gentler things could be like,
Because I'm not destined for that.

If I only said "Hi" and went on my way, not giggling at your texts each and every day,
Would I be arguing with myself unjustifying reasons not to stay?

I'll fold the laundry and laugh with my sisters,
maybe take my daughter for a walk.
I'll pick up the same toys one thousand times and hear "Hey mom look at me",
and I'll smile everytime.
It's a day like any other to everyone but me,
Yet I keep it to myself.
My broken heart won't ruin their stories, their laughter, their play,
I'll bottle it up and keep going about my day.

My hair is unruly,
I don't like my teeth.
I haven't seen my debit card
in three ******* weeks.

If I'm not early,
I'll be ******* late.
"Just be on time"—
my brain doesn't work that way.

I did three loads of laundry,
yet have four to fold.
I planned to make a salad
but the lettuce has mold.

The lettuce has mold?
The lettuce has mold.
I swear I just bought it,
I didn't think it was old.

What day is it?
Do you know the time?
I can't find my keys
but I'm thinking in rhymes.

Did you tell me the date?
I'm sorry—I forget.
I'm sure that you did.
I just haven’t remembered it yet.

A mile a minute
is how my mind goes.
Do you want to rearrange the living room?
Should we go to Lowe’s?

These boxes I found
haven’t been opened in ages.
I found an old journal
and sped through the pages.

I should throw it away
but I think I might keep it.
It’s treasured this way,
and no one learns my secrets.

I’m sorry I’m on a tangent,
did we have plans?
I’m sorry to abandon,
I live in my head man

I’ve got so much to do,
I couldn’t possibly go out.
Have you seen my bathroom?
I must clean the grout.

You can stay if you want,
in fact, I’d like that very much,
if you don’t mind my gibberish
and constant running amuck.