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Kalliope May 15
Sleep isn't restful when I dream of you
I wake up and I'm panicked
But I'll just lay here 'till noon
Never were impressed by my party tricks
But performing's all I ever knew
Even in dreams,
I lose what I love
Kalliope May 15
Just like every cliché
You showed up too late to care ,
I gave you a decade of grace
But you never could meet me there,
Now you want me to come home
But I'm trying to start a new life,
My feelings have started to roam
Yet you keep pushing this knife,
The texts and calls are incoming
From I miss you to I hate you,
I can't find words I'm just humming
You made my world every shade of blue,
I stay strong for our daughter
I wish you'd do the same,
But you keep dragging me backward,
I'm tired of carrying the blame.
I cried oceans
To try and teach you the motions
To keep me in your depths,
But I've made it to the shore now
And of this I am sure now
That I'm better off on dry land.
Kalliope May 15
Maybe if I let people in
I wouldn't be so lonely like this
No one to turn to, no where to cry,
I just lay here and fester while the days go slowly by

I really don't have real friends, none that I can talk to everyday
Almost thirty years of people pleasing and they all watch me decay
It's dramatic, this I know,
But it's where my mind tends to go,
When the lights are low,
And I feel even lower
Kalliope May 14
You avoid me, and that's okay
I never see you in places where we used to spend the day

I avoided you, its not alright
No one wants a stranger in the sun who plays wifey only at night

I'll never hold you, and that *****
We could have had a beautiful life but I ran out of luck

Or maybe it was patience, I've never had enough
You're the only man to call me out and see right through the tough

And that was eerie, like you knew what I was all along,
A big surprise with big brown eyes,
Who eventually grew weary

That's what they all do, they tire of my games
Even when its truly love no one wants it at arms length
I've cried to the moon,
Searching how to drop this mindset
Carved you deep in my bones,  hoping to see you again
Kalliope May 14
I yelled back when I was younger,
screamed while I cried,
maybe I didn't understand,
but I knew it wasn't right.

I fought back when she wouldn't,
she’d go to bed and hide.
His power over little kids
was his only source of pride.

Not me, though, I never gave in.
I talked right back at every whim.
Sometimes I’d even instigate,
if it saved my sister a violent fate.

Shut up now, sit down.
Be a good girl and make us proud.
Your grades are falling? How can that be?
Put your sister in the tub,
It’s my house, and I’m the King.
You never listen, that’s why you can’t go out.
You have friends? With your attitude? That I doubt.

Nothing got past me when I was a child,
Mouth of a martyr who oddly went quiet.
And I’m not really sure when that happened to me.
The defiance has died,
Now I sit at their feet.

"He’s not a bad man, he’s misunderstood.
His life was hard, he’s finding his way.
It wouldn’t be very supportive if I didn’t stay! I know it looks bad but it's really okay."

I went from loud-mouthed, defiant, and strong,
To caring about eggshells disturbed by my wrongs.
I finally learned obedience,
aren’t you happy, Dad?
I’ll spend my life anxious
over making men mad
Kalliope May 13
I knew what I was in for,
you had no ******* clue.
A runner always runs,
and despite everything, that’s what it still came to.

I don’t think you should chase me,
even if secretly,
I like to look back.

You deserve weddings and soft romance,
and I’ve never been able to promise that.
I tried to picture it,
believe me, I really did.
But I always end up becoming the angry man
I feared as a kid.

Maybe you don’t understand this,
and I don’t know how to change.
It’s easier to dress my fear as anger
than to process every trauma I’ve caged.
This is the last thing I'll say directly to you,
I have to let you let me go
Kalliope May 12
I'm comfy alone, no silence to fill, the days drag along but outside I remain chill.
Inside is turmoil, conflict, and debates,
This mind is paradoxical and no one escapes.
I can picture all futures, happy or sad, with or without you, either way I'm still mad.
To think I don't miss you, is an excruciating cut, maybe I couldn't stay but that doesn't mean it wasn't love.
Maybe I ruined it or maybe I was blind, I can hear your voice each night like a sacred lullaby.
I know I'll gain no favors, and you think curiosity killed the cat, but to not have your thousand questions about my day you truly believe I want that?
I guess these grounds are haunted, and I made things exponentially worse,
I have always viewed you like my blessing,
maybe I was your curse.
I miss you doesn't begin to cover it,
      
    I ache.
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