The words we spit bitterly at one another echo in my empty mind.
My feelings are numb.
I want to love you, but the pain is too strong.
You don't understand.
I'm hurt because of your words.
Your words and actions tear me apart.
They tear us apart.
This is not what I wanted.
I fear that we are close to the end.
I'm tired of the struggle between us.
With bitter words, we may part ways.
If only you would understand.

I came across your old notes today.
They brought back so many feelings.
You used to love me,
But now that is gone.

I read over the lines
Time and Time again.
The more I read,
The sicker my stomach became.

I'm not sure if it's because I miss you
Or if I hate you.
My feelings are confusing and jumbled.
I can't stand this pain.

Was it because of the scars n my arms?
Was it because I clung to you so desperately?
You were the only one who loved me
When no one else cared.

My memories of you are bittersweet.
I often wonder what would happen
If you ever wanted me back
Even though I have found someone else.

Sometimes I think you miss me.
Other times, you seem just fine.
You deserve happiness as well.
Even if it brings me pain.

And so I will wish you well.
I hope you find love again.
I hope you won't hurt her
like you have hurt me.

The tears fall from my eyes when I see your face.
The tears fall from my eyes when I hear your name.

My stomach twists in knots.
My memories replay over and over.

I want it all to go away.
I want you to disappear.

The pain you put me through is still very real.
The pain you put me through is evident from my scars.

I've tried to erase you from my thoughts a thousand times.
I've tried to forget you face even more.

No matter how hard I try, you keep coming back.
No matter how hard I try, you will always be a part of me.

And I hate you for that.

When you trail your fingers down my soft pale skin and the goosebumps rise to the surface of my skin, eager for more,
I love you.

When my fingertips trace the veins trailing through your skin and over the muscles of your body,
I love you.

When your strong hands cup my breast and your soft lips kiss my neck,
I love you.

When our lips part to make way for our tongues to intertwine with each other,
I love you.

When I feel you inside of me and my breath quickens to match my racing heartbeat,
I love you.

When we lay next to each other, our skin touching,
I love you.

When you whisper in my ear that you love me,
I love you too.