Lover of the light

Lover of the light May 2014

It's there just beyond my fingertips
Something so much better than this pain
Seeping through my pores
to pool on cold tile that sings of sterilization
A bottle that lies nearly empty
telling a story of a soul that is nearly done
with shinning
how can a heart that's broken beat
how can we really tell if something is alive
or just pretending to be
if a smile is sincere
or just a lovely way to say I'm sorry
for what I am
I've heard apologizes too many times to start handing them out
instead I'll just quietly scream my resignation
and sink beneath the surface of myself

can anyone really save another person I believe we are all stuck
in our own personal hells
waiting for someone to tell us
that it's ok to cry
to be weak for a second
in a world that destroys anything
as beautiful as a warped soul
so I'll bleed out my beliefs
until I run dry
waiting for my someone
who's not coming

I hope you find your someone who makes you want to save yourself

Lover of the light May 2014

A needing and a wanting but not a getting

Help me with fingernails
down my back
Because I can't seem to wake up
I'm lost in a fog of unfulfilled desires
I can't breathe without your tongue down my throat
My feet can't find where I last stood
in a place where id find you
With mused hair and a listless smile
Lovely heart on your sleeve
Can I reach out
and grab your attention
A piece of your precious time
My watch is broken
but I'm pretty sure it's past time
for you to ditch productivity
in exchange for some passion

Lover of the light May 2014

I'll push you away so you know I love you

Another night set to be stuck in your head
Where your heart stabs at your consciousness
begging for you to listen
and your mind whispers just hold
on a little longer
Until this storm passes
You've always had a hard time standing still when someone looks at you with soft eyes and open arms
It's best to run
until your chest feels tight
and your lungs fill with lost love letters
Touches can be void of affection
and feel so much better
than if they were laced
with expectations and promises
and fear
So turn over your pillow
so it's cool side presses against your skin
and pretend you're not alone tonight

Lover of the light May 2014

I hope you know how hard I'm trying

I'm biting my tongue
Tasting blood
If I plug my ears
would the internal conflict stop
Digging nails in deep to lying skin
smelling of burning insecurities
If I hold on tight
to previous inhibitions
would it stop me from screaming into lost eyes
and sympathetic ears
the hardest part of being kind
is tearing yourself apart
for the sake of a smile

I feel bad but I can't help wanting to run from you.

Lover of the light May 2014

The unspoken rule of companionship

Sorry I can't keep up
Guess I slipped a bit earlier
Left behind covered in stardust and feelings of inadequacy
There seems to a pattern appearing
How many times can I reach for a hand that's not there to pull me
to my feet
I guess that's what growing up is about
Learning to hide those holes
in your shoes
and covering up broken bits
of thoughts you'd rather not talk about
I'd rather just jump from the tower
of expectations I've built
because I've never been good
at hiding things
but that seems to be an unavoidable part of trying to keep someone