The little bit of self worth I had you stripped it away
Little by little until I had nothing left






thats why I dont know who I am anymore

Im ready for you...
I always have been

Don't worry
I know the system is wrong
The whole **** system is wrong

But

I know what we are
I know what we're not

I won't let my irises bleed and the falling collect on my pillow

I wont let it turn to dust and waft around my room

I won't let my loneliness keep me company every night

I will not breathe the air that you exhaled into my life

I'll let you touch with no feeling because you made yourself clear

So tonight when you call me i will listen but not pay attention because when you hand somone your happiness and they leave

They take your happiness too

Its so funny how you can be there for someone that is treating you like ****
But you can't be there for someone who was always there for you
You could be there for him when he needed you the most
But you can't be there for me when I did?
That honestly shows me a lot
That shows me your true colors

The girl that puts others before herself
shes the girl with good intentions
wanting everything to be ok

Everything started to fall apart
she got tired of fighting
she got tired of waiting for everything to be ok

Everything is not going to be ok
Shes tired of waiting
Shes tired of trying to be ok
She doesn't wanna be ok
Shes tired of people telling her " it will be ok, just be patient"

Nothing is going to change
if this isn't good for me
let me just give up
let me just stop trying
let me stop fighting
I dont want your reasons of why I should live
your good advice, or when I'm alright

You dont know what its like

What is like to be in my head
to go through what I went through

you can't stop me from drowning

Dont tell me what you see
you need to clean your eyes and check again

I'm tired of all these bad days
and nothing never being ok
I'm tired of hearing "just keep your head up"
I'm tired of trying to be ok
jI just wanna be not ok

Is it ever going to change?
No its not

Nothing is going to change
So let me just give up
let me stop trying
let me stop fighting
I dont want your reasons of why I should live
your good advice, or when I'm alright

you dont know what  its like

dont look at me like you understand
dont try to hold me back

if you know if this isnt good for me
let me just give up
let me just stop trying
let me stop fighting
I dont want your reasons of why I should live
your good advice, or when I'm alright

you dont know what is like

She knows things aren't ok
But she feels ok
when you tell her that everything will be ok

The girl that was insecure about herself especially her weight
She fell in love one day and she knew that he was her soul mate
He constantly reminded her that he loves her body the way it is
He rubs her tummy and gives it a kiss
But when they always make love he seems to miss the spot that needs love the most
He started reassuring her less, she started feeling like a ghost
One day she found out  that she was pregnant, they had so much joy
They even started looking up baby names and decided to name him troy
Thats when then he started showing more attention to her insecurity but its because what he created was in there
Then for some reason she started developing this hatred in her heart , she didnt want to share
She felt sad because he only showed her attention because of the baby
She didnt want to hate the baby but it started driving her crazy
She felt jealous and that was consuming her
All she wanted was to feel accepted and she was wondering when it will be her turn
One day she couldnt take it anymore and she ran away
He noticed that they were gone, he searched day by day
He never found them ever since (months later)
One day he thought about the hints that she tried to give about needing love, he should've listen
The next day while he was watching the news and stacking up books on the book shelf
He heard something he couldnt believe he heard, the news mention a tragic that happened and it was about a pregnant woman that killed herself

This is why  lot of things don't work out for me. I have to high expectations that I can't even reach. I have to be careful because I just might hang myself by accident  just trying to reach them.

He puts his hand gently on my back and slowly guides me to him
Holds me in his arms, my chest against his
So close that I can't tell my heart beat from his
Looking into his eyes big blue eyes
I ask him " do you love me?"
He puts my hand gently on his chest and his heart beat said it all