I think about the face of a woman
and her smooth skin
soft lips
the curvature of the Earth is kin to her hips
I feel humanity suffering needlessly
beneath her cells
as I wander her valleys and sand-dune hills
she is the beach
the ocean
the calling of many gulls screaming for food and
I love her white *******
But she is sneaky
and cares for me
caressing is painful
I see it in my own eyes the next day
when the smudgy bruises flit across my reflection

But men understand
without either of us speaking a **** word
we drive
we shout
we catcall
we game
the music takes us and we run for days
doing nothing
anything
and i guess sometimes we ****
Succinct and supernatural
Brawn or brown skin or bright ideas gone awry
always a good day with the gang or the bros
I feel safer in the hoods

I want her to notice me, and to shyly skip over like she did last week
i want to kiss her neck and pull back
soon enough to catch her half-lidded gaze into the abyss behind me
I want to wear boxers and treat her to fancy dinners

But
I want to be her
I want taste a mustache
I want to be lifted overhead like a little sister
and brought back to the earth with sweet
exploration


Impossibility
I want women and men to be the same thing

Do you know what its like?
To be pushed down and beaten
Do you know what its like?
To be made fun of and verbally hit

My story is sad and I'm not going to hide
it pulls me in and shoves me out the ocean's tide
is so very strong it rocks against my body
leaving me tired and breathlessly
numb to the soul, to the inner part of me
what do you hate? what do you see?
to make you laugh and point your fingers at me
at my friends, at my lovers, so cruel, don't you see?

Do you know what it's like?
to be beaten and shunned from the world
Do you know what it's like?
to be dumped and ditched for them

I was ignored in the first grade
because my family didn't have it made
we were poor but happy to be alive
then you started throwing knives
trying to **** my hope and my dreams
All you did was label stupid, old me
I was told to 'go cut myself and die'
in the seventh grade, eventually I said goodbye
after my twelfth birthday I grabbed the pills
I signed a goodbye letter and I made a deal
with God if I survived Id change forever
unfortunately, I did live, to try again? Never.

Do you know what it's like?
To be told to go and die
Do you know what it's like?
To take the knife in your hands

I finally got help in the eleventh grade
I didn't care what anyone had to say
I was happy to be me, and I smiled
for days on end, I was a creepy little child
who never stopped smiling at the world
because of one special little girl
who came up to me and said 'Why?
Why do you hurt so badly?" she sighed
and gave me a band-aid to put on my scars
she told me to never try again because I'd go far
I broke down in dewdrops and began to smile
and ever since then I've walked mile after mile
of recovery and happy pills, and sleepy pills
but don't give up hope, you just have one more hill
to climb over, to get past, to succeed with
before you get to rest, what they say is a myth
You'll go far kid. <3