I forgot how your touch felt
For I froze and became numb
In Antarctica
After you left me.

To be honest, i'm not okay
But i'm too afraid to say
Because you might not stay

Those 3 words, "i'm not okay"
Why is it so hard to say?
Can't I just be honest,  
And expect you to stay?

The words you said
Pierced through my heart
It is true what they say
You cannot take back what you just have said.

I was so desperate to write a trendy poem
I got suffocated
And got all my creative juices squeezed out of me, unripened

I was so desperate to write a trendy poem
I forgot why I even started writing one,
I failed to remember I started writing to express
Not to impress.

My eyes sparkle at the sight of you
Glaze forms
Hazy vision, drunk from your presence
This odd smile I wear, every time you're there
Gestures changes,
And as you approach, my heart explodes
Breathing rapidly
I unconsciously twirl my hair
You greet me, "hello."
Trying to not let you know
Acting normal, and greeting you back
Masking my admiration towards you,
Hoping you did not notice how I act in front of you

Rarely understood
Always disregarded
Most of the time irrelevant
Perpetually worthless

That's how I'd describe my existence.

I grew out of love
or
Did I?

Or am I just convincing myself
That I don't love you anymore,
Because you hurt me too much?

I was once a neat paper, free of creases, and white as ****

Yet, what have I become?

I am now a wrinkled paper
Full of illegible scribbles
Ripped edges
Droplets of water and blood colored the paper brown

What have you done?

I wish I never gave you the power to crumple me.

Behind her smile
is a girl
who cries at night
while thinking about
killing herself

What should we do
With the thoughts
We know
We can never
Share with anyone?

I am sad and disappointed
On how my life turned out
I had big dreams
And I had those visions
But now it all turned into dusts
That pricked my eyes
And I am crying
For it hurt
To witness
My dreams
Shatter and break
Before me.

I was never half full
Nor half empty
I was always a cup
A punctured cup
Never to be filled
Never to be fulled

I saw your photos today. You looked so good. Your new haircut suits you well. You also gained a little bit of weight. The smile you wore in that photo made my heart skip a little then it beated faster as the thought of I'll never be the reason anymore crossed my mind.

Honestly, I have a lot of things to do
But I chose to write this poem for you
Because, I always have my "because"
Because neither you nor me
Are fit for each other
That's why even if I love you
I always have because,
Because neither you nor me
Should be together

the answers to my questions?
the solutions to my problems?

YOU.
you're always the answer
*you'll always be my answer

delighted
delighte
delight
deligh
delig
deli
del
de
d
de
dep
depr­
depre
depres
depress
depresse
depressed

Selfishness
is
a
disease
that
people
chose
not
to
cure

I've been in this room for ages
Shouting, screaming, bearing this pain
Confined in this illuminated space
Surrounded by white walls
It worsened my pain
Prevents me from breathing
I am choking from the stench smell that whirls in the air
In and out, going back and forth
Your touch, your porcelain skin
The moist feeling of your caress
Staying gives me relief
Comfort to my pain and ache

Needles inside, please stop I had enough
I am so tired
Let me fall into a deep sleep
Let me be numb
I cannot bear this sensation
The squeezing of my insides
It crushes my heart

I tried to cure it, I did
Nothing worked, nothing did
Is it my fault for feeling this way?
All I wanted was for my emptiness to be filled
I admit, I have no sense of control
Stuffing my mouth and eventually suffered
Pangs and ache consumed my being

The lining is already teared
Abrased, lacerated, this is absurd
Continuous flow
Wiping repeatedly
The bin overflows with the rolls
Flushing, hoping this is my last
Please end this misery,
Diarrhea, I don't like your company.

It was greyish, that 21st of November
When I saw you in that corner
Holding those papers
Smiling at me like a fool

It was cold, that 8th of December
It was the first time we ate together
Holding my hand like it's yours and it's warmer
Looking at you, i'm about to drool

It was sunny, 28th of January
We were so happy, we were so carefree
We talked about our plans
We talked about our future

It was cloudy, that 10th of February
When I saw you dancing
with another lady
I know, that should've been me

It was still cloudy, that 8th of March
We were walking, and you weren't holding my hand
We were so quiet
I know what's about to come

It was 4th of April,
When we took our last photo together
It was after our graduation
You decided to end what we had.

Love stories should end happily,
But ours went wrong, miserably.

There wasn't a day
I have not thought of you,
Suicide.

till this day
i cannot write poems about you
i still feel a pang in my heart
everytime I try to write a poem dedicated to you

You know that feeling when you can't write a ******* poem but wanted to write so bad that you end up being miserable and lonely and insecure about yourself?

We live in an era where common sense isn't really common anymore.

No one knew
No one noticed
That I was lonely
And I was unhappy

The end is now near
It'll now reach the last part of it's suffering
And so I'll be free
And so i'll be happy

Can't bear the feeling
Won't know if it's healing
The stars are dimming
The sun is blinding

And if this is really the end
I'm going to be apart
Once a part of the world is now part of the dusts
My soul will be sprinkled on the husks

How do we know, if we don't love a person anymore?
How do we know, that you're not attached to that person anymore?
How do we know, that the person might care?
How do we know, why we keep asking these questions?

We know the asnwers, but we choose to ignore.
Still stuck in the rugged past.
Hoping for a euphemised answer.
Holding on to the feelings in the past.
The memories, remain.
The people, changed.

Depression
is
not
deep
sadness

Depression
is
when
you
cannot
feel
anymore
because
you've
been
pained
too
much

My head aches
From all these thoughts
That should have been said
But I was too afraid
So I'll just let my head ache
And hope that the pain goes away

It's so hard to stand up when people around you are trying to knock you down.

You wronged me, but I didn't care

You slammed the door, but I still stayed

You shouted at me, but I still listened

You destroyed me, (because I let you) and now I got nothin' left

What happened to us?
A question I've always asked.
Even though I know the answer,
I pretend that I don't
It still hurts a lot
Knowing you're not here
What happened to us?
Will always be a question
I knew the answer
But never wanted to hear

I'll just act as if everything's going well
So that my friends will not dwell
In my problematic well
That is full of problems and is a hell
Because I know no one is willing to help
And if they discover what is wrong with me
They'll automatically run away and shrivel
So as long as I can hide my liability
Everything will go smoothly

Maybe, we're not that worthless as we thought we were.
Maybe, we still haven't found our purpose, and it's completely okay to feel lost and unworthy of this life sometimes.
What's not okay is not getting help from other people.
What's not okay is not admitting what you're feeling deep inside and bottling up those emotions until it explodes.
It's okay to be hurt.
It's okay to feel lost.
It's okay to fail.
Your feelings are valid.
You are worth it.
You're worthy of all the good things this world have to offer.

Love at first sight wasn't true.
UNTIL I MET YOU.

Each day
I strive
To live
And to survive
This cruel world that
I was forced to breathe in to

It just hurts so much
Because we were once each other's worlds
And now
we act like nothing happened to us.

I'm forgetting you.
Doing my very best to.
But then you came back.

Not hot, not cold
Not pro, not con
*Are you that afraid to make a decision?

Your feelings are like the flowers that you gave me. Fragrant and ethereal,

But wilts, but wilted.

And just like your love, it was only momentary.

As I walked the path,
The memories flashbacked,
Moments of you and me, us and them
Times when we were still liberated and young
Reminiscing all of them,
Ahh, I miss my youth
Those days were now gone

I loved you without intricacy.
I loved you without reservations.
I loved you from your flesh, to your heart.
I just loved you for who you are.
I just loved you,
Without expectations
Without hesitations.
Without anything.
And with all honesty, I thought that was more than enough.
But love wasn't enough,
You needed my trust,
You needed my commitment,
And I failed in that aspect.
I know it's my fault,
And everytime I remember your departure in my life,
It sends a wave of truth and pain
That I had no one to blame
And it was my fault for not being enough.
You made me realize that
I wasn't enough.
I am not enough.
I will never be enough.

is it possible?
or it is possible?
the thought of
falling out of love
with the person
you caressed and held at those rainy days?

is it possible?
or it is possible?
the thought of
falling out of love
with the person
you kissed and promised that you'll stay by their side?

is it possible?
or it is possible?
the thought of
falling out of love
with the person
you treated like your moon and stars and your entire galaxy?

is it possible?
or it is possible?
the thought of
letting go the person
you once fell in love with?

Your love
It makes me drunk
I feel so intoxicated
Please stop

Why don't we try to be that person we claim we deserve?

The sky is full of fireworks
The road is emptied, only filled with firecrackers
The table's been ready, all the dishes were served
Everyone is about to eat
And i'm still here
Waiting.
Waiting.
And waiting.
I'm waiting for them,
Waiting for them to knock on the door,
Greet me with a smile,
Have a nice meal they prepared,
Fill the house with their presence,
Even though I know they'll never come to celebrate.

expression
expressio
expressi
express
expres
expre
exp
ex
e
em
em­o
emot
emoti
emotio
emotion
emotions

Sometimes in life,
We have to accept
The incidents
That hurt us
Is meant to happen
To strengthen us
And to make us
Feel alive