Who are you really? What are your dreams?
Is anything i thought as it seems?
I know your favorite color and your Birthday
And what you act like in a rage.
I know your favorite foods and your favorite drink
And how it feels when your anger makes me shrink.
I know your past the people and things that have made you, you.
And i know the chaos you and i have been through.
Hard work, compromise, forgiveness all part of what i expected.
But bitterness, resentment, constant anxiety, and being neglected?
The feeling that choosing us is tearing us both apart so far distanced from the boy and girl we were at the start.

Daily Poised on the brink of chaos and disaster. liven life in tears, love and laughter.

Wishin for sunshine again and again but you cant have the rainbow without a little rain.

Missing the feelings in the memories of yesterday, but forgetting the pain that made me sway.

Grass is always greener in someone else’s yard. But we cant see their struggle just our own view of hard.

Lost in our dreaming, reaching for what we hope to gain. Losing sight of the hand we could hold, relieve someone else’s pain.

Selfish and ambitious the world seems to glorify. But its not a good look, so ask yourself why?

If its so much better forever when… why are the ones that are there still striving then?

Find something deeper meaning in the mess. Learn, grow, give, love don’t settle for less.

Dance in the rain and bask in the sun. Be happy to just live and life becomes more fun.

The days flow by like water through an open drain, cant bask in the sunshine without a bit of rain.
Trying to slow down enjoy the moment before it becomes a memory, but often i am overwhelmed lost in the overloaded sensory.
Want to live with wisdom, and act in gratitude and love. But feeling a bit jaded, lost in the push and shove!
Somedays life just feels so very hard, and we can wind up feeling like we are the ones who we discard.
Somewhere in the process of growing older we often lock ourselves away and grow a little colder.
I refuse to give in to the ease of whats known,
Or live in fear of being stretched and grown.
I know i am being refined while standing in the fire. But the pain still makes me sway as the flames grow higher.

I go so long my mind and heart ******* in knots,
Remind me God of all the things i forgot!
You are my savior, my helper, my redeemer, my king
On you i can depend, give all the struggle, your praise i sing!
I don’t have to carry the weight of the world.
It’s not my job to volley all thats been hurled.
You see me where i am in the midst of the storm.
This chaos and anxiety does not have to be my norm.
You want me to give my heart completely to you. Trust your lead. Instead i am often lost in the thorns causing my soul to ache and bleed.
You say,”Cast your cares upon me, trust, release”. You flood my mind and heart with your comfort and peace.
Help me to keep this posture kneeling at your feet, trusting in your love no need to retreat.

Drip drip drip just one at a time but those drops add up and the water climbs.
I feel it coming cant lock it inside, the weight the heavy pressure the landslide.
The storm its raging just beneath, barely controlled no sign of relief.
So much baggage so I begin to bail, but with the rate it keeps coming i am going to fail.
I stuff and i stuff until theres no space. Try not to let it show just keep up the pace.
Drowning inside losing touch with reality. I am trying , But the waters so high i can barely see.
Praying for a way of rescue, or even a life raft.
But somehow it seems they all just sail past.
Your fault you didn’t reach out and grab hold
Why are you so weak you need to be bold.
But you don’t know the anchors tied to me.
Pulling me back under where you cant see.
Cut them all loose and swim away fast.
Its not that easy the connections are vast.

Life is messy constantly in motion, up and down like the swells of the ocean.
From happy to sad in the blink of an eye. From saying hello to kissing goodbye.
Characters weave in and out in a consistent flow. Some leave when you want them to stay and others stay when you wish they’d go!
Watching in slow motion like a spectator not a player, trying to decipher, unpack the chaos  layer by layer.
Figure out how to just live in peace and contentment, so tired of the fray and leftover resentment!
Want to be one way strong, faithful and kind. But my own brokenness has fractured my mind.
I act in a way i wish i would not, swore I would do better next time, but then i forgot.
Desire to be a loving example to all of mine, but i open my mouth and i am outta line!
How much longer will i sway in this messy balancing act set on replay?
Beyond time to quit this tightrope and jump down, find true balance with my feet on the ground

I choke on thickness of it as it rolls in. A dark black cloud full of regrets, ifs, whens, and thens.
It fills my eyes, my ears, my lungs. I cant see, hear, or breathe. I taste it on my tongue.
It shatters me from the inside out leaves me on the floor not knowing the way out.
Screaming, clawing, i will not just succumb.
Feel it, breathe it, just don’t let yourself go numb.
I thought i knew my triggers but i keep finding more. This is what happens when the body keeps the score.
It holds records of all the pain…. the tears, and fears; traces of them long after still remain.
I thought I knew you turns out i was wrong. You were someone else all along.
Thought i heard the Lords voice but i think it was mine. I wanted so badly to believe our love was divine.
You and i were not meant to be we have almost destroyed ourselves trying to force opposite polarities.
Bitterness and resentment grows within each our hearts. Poison slowly killing us from our innermost parts.
How long before we admit the ruse. Quit tearing each other apart so afraid to lose.