If I could ask the world a favor,
I’d ask for it to be gentle with me.
I’ll be anything you want me to be,
As long as you never ask me to be me.

I fell from grace
When i burnt it
all to the ground.
You told me to never
Contact you again;
Ripping me from your life
like I was your biggest sin.

But the thing
with unspoken fears,
They’re fueled by betrayal,
And burn for years.

You can call me crazy,
You can shut the door in my face,
convince the jesters around you
not to believe a single word I say.

You can play pretend with your friends,
making jokes at my expense.
You'll laugh, while I go hide,
"It's just a joke" is your defense.

You can bury my name in the dirt, you can take away my choice.
You can try to silence me when I speak, but you cannot take my voice.

You can pretend you didn't beat me, hide it from the world
you know, the time you used your entire fist, to hit a 4'10" girl.

Remember when you knocked me down?
You hit me so hard, I saw stars.
As I fell to the ground, they circled my head round and round.

But you didn't stop there, you were feeling tough.
Lying on the forest floor, you kicked me in the gut.

I wish I could say that was the last time, sadly, that wasn't the case.
Your sinister ways always popped up,
Leaving destruction in their wake.

Running like a coward,
you never could learn from your mistakes. hurting women back-to-back to back.
Compliant friends and family,
Giving you the okay.

I know you probably think
I’m only trying to ruin your life.
But it's not as simple as that
I'm speaking up to reclaim mine!

How many times
must I think it through?
It's been three years now,
I no longer even know you.
Some may argue I never did.

But I saw it in you.
I saw it in your eyes, kid.
Two out of two, they both sat low.
Tears welled in your eyes when it was time for you to go.

The purple lights hung above us,
Illuminating the impending doom.
My eyes begged, as they looked into yours,
Sealed eternally, in our lavender tomb.

I still see you in the hallway,
A nightly matinee just for me.
You hugged me three times goodbye,
As my heart fell between my knees.

A lump formed in the back of my throat,
As my mind said “just go with the flow”.
A million words circled in my head,
insecurity won, so instead I watched you go.

If you wanted to tear my life apart,
tell me you always thought the future would be ours,
too.

And you did.

Hey bronze boy,
come take a seat.
Have a cup of ayahuasca
I’m all out of tea.

I can’t stop,
I’ll never let it be
until I have you crawling
Back on your knees.

Begging for forgiveness,
begging me please
Let’s talk
Let’s take it easy

Too late.
It’s gonna be a wild ride.
Your momma never taught you
there’s danger in too much pride?

You worked hard,
got the degrees
doesn’t make you more of a man
when it’s women you can’t please.

You know reading, writing, arithmetic
but you never learned the skills to be a man.
Just a little *****
playing dress-up,
telling women to get on their hands.

You like control.
You like power.
You’re a high society type of man.

I’ll teach you life lessons
I learned on the streets:
anyone can fall on their ***,
And everyone can be beat.

You’re a scholar,
you’re a baller,
you’re a tiny little man.
Will you ever get the courage
to pop your head out of the sand?

Call it for what it was.
Put a name on my hurt.
Honor my last breath,
before you cover me in dirt.

There’s no need for me to overthink it
Karma is best served late.
I’ll sit back as the smoke clears,
Take a deep breath, and just wait.

Did you really think
I’d never learn to fight back?
That I wouldn’t get my lick back?
That I couldn’t stand on my own two feet?
It’s just like you to underestimate me
To push me to the back,
To try and do away with me.

But I’m richer than you’ll ever be,
And not just by my salary.
My ego doesn’t warp my sense of reality.
I’m not afraid to face myself,
I clawed my way out of hell,
And I gave myself to others along the way.

I can see the good in the worst.
I broke my family curse.
I’ve learned how to thrive on my own.
My dog is my best friend,
I’ve learned to decenter men,
And I know,
Life can always begin again.

I like to think
maybe it wasn’t meant
to be goodbye just then.
Maybe we were meant
to have our lives,
to one day meet again.

Maybe on a hot summer’s day,
Under the Utah sun,
We’ll both have salt and pepper hair,
And lock eyes on the horizon.

Our hearts would stop,
and so would our paths.
Fate giving us
A second shot
to reconcile
our past.

I like it when you walk beside me,
your shoulder always taps mine.
I do not know what kind of spell you got me under,
but it’s not that very kind.
You look at me with two black marbles,
that pierce my eyes blind.
My body melts from the inside out,
every time your eyes meet mine.

I was never able
To call you mine.
But for six months
Everyday,
At a quarter to noon,
I got a voice text
From you.

someone once told me
before you **** yourself,
**** your life.

so I slit that ******* throat
and watched it die.

They say be careful
what you wish for
you just might get it.

I’ve taken three trips
around the sun
wanting you.

This morning
You reached out.
Now I don’t know
what to do.

Do I let if flow
Free fall
As we go?
Hairs raised
Eyes alert,
Look out for
Upcoming hurt?

Stiff as board
Just say no,
Just let it go?
Stay focused
on me,
continue to grow
my own tree?

Oh I wish
I knew exactly
What to do.

To have a heart
that’s shared love
Is an awfully tough
Mountain to move.