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James Apr 28
I will love you at your worst
Snot running eyes red wishing your were dead
I will love you at your best
Hair a mess 3 hours of sleep baby's just been fed
I will love you at your saddest
Standing in the rain your father buried in the ground
I will love you at your maddest
Ready to burn it all down sanity unable to be found
Most importantly I will love you till the end of time forever we will be
James Apr 18
Never thought I would like a pet dog.

Never thought I would have PTSD either

Never knew I could receive the unconditional love you gave me

Every night I awoke in terror you were already by my side wet nose on my arm

Everytime the world was too big and overwhelming you brought me back to the small world we shared

Never thought my heart would break so badly when I had to say goodbye

Now the world is big and frightening again and I can't go out or sleep

They offered me a new best friend butI don't know if I have the strength to open my heart again

I don't want to betray the special bond I had with my one and only best friend
For my service dog Hamlet who took care of me for 12 of the best years of my life
James Apr 16
I am your pop ****.
In the bottom of the box
Easily forgotten and never used
New ones on top obscuring my view, but never discarded as if by some rule.
A strange kind of loyalty to the last of my kind
Keeps you from discarding me like some sort of rind
I long for your touch and your famished desire.
But fear I will perish before I'm acquired.
James Apr 16
Thank you God, for the dark mistress who holds my heart.
Without breaking it or tearing it apart.
Careful to allow me autonomy without self destruction.
Mindful to keep me from harmful distraction
Delightfully dark my mistress, her heart full of sadness like mine is.
Torn apart by sorrow and lies we live
Into the dark forever we both shall live....
James Apr 15
I step into a shadow and enter my shadow realm.
No sound and pitch black I bask in the nullity.
Somehow it is still deafening in my mind with no end in sight.
I dream of a time I'm no longer haunted by the ghosts of my misgivings.
But even my dreams are lies told to myself to forget the suffering
There is no end only the pain
James Apr 15
Not even the crushing weight of the world, in all it's hope stealing dream killing ire, can steal away my love for you
Since the second I saw you my cold lonely heart melted and the trauma caused by life's uncertainty faded, to be replaced with hope and dare I say even joy
Through the darkest of times and deepest despair, knowing I am unalone has given me the strength to remain.

(Work in progress)
James Apr 15
In the hollow of my heart, where light dares not to tread, I linger..lost, a ghost made of skin, trapped in this flesh prison, a fragile shell tethered to disappointment. Walls emerge, insidious whispers rise, the echo of dreams once radiant, now faded; each breath a reminder of what could have been, each sigh a sentence for the silence that follows. Days drift together in the stillness of unfulfilled promises I wander through shadows of longing, heavy with the weight of abandonment. Isolation wraps around my soul like chains, an invisible blanket woven from anxiety's threads. Here lies depression a familiar specter, its fingers tracing paths carved in sadness. Hope flickers like an errant candle, dimming; yet in this melancholy lullaby, I seek meaning.. is life but a series of stolen moments, a tapestry stitched with threads of despair?
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