i've been clean for a month
because my box cutter is on the moving truck

i'm back in baltimore
but im not home
not really

everything's normal for two weeks
except it's not

i texted three friends to see if they wanted to hang out while i was back
only one responded
said she was going to be in connecticut

i wanna ask more people
but i dont wanna sound desperate

tell me i dont sound desperate

i know that we're drifting.
i don't want to think its real.
i don't want to know what happens to us.
our friendship --
meant so much.
i'd hate to lose it.
i don't want that.
i want us to stay close,
stay friends.
i just need you in my life.

i need to tell you about all the gossip --
all my crushes,
all my weird fashion choices.
i need to tell you,

because i don't want to drift.

Memory is a punishment
Forgetting is a crime

One day
I will finally climb that mountain
I will hyjack a car

One day
When the e cops will ask me if I'm okay as I walk in the side of the road
I'll say
"Oh I'm great"
And it wouldn't even be a lie
Because I would know
What was to come
In only a matter of days

One day
I'll walk and walk
Until my legs don't work
And I'll keep going
On my knees

One day
I'll reach that small town
In small America
And I won't even mind the MAGA's
Because you'll be there

One day
You'll say
"I wish I could hug you right now"
And I'll climb in your room from the window
And give you the biggest one
The world has ever seen

One day
I'll be able to hold your hand
And we can walk on earth together
And eat all the jolly ranchers you'll spare
But I'll let you have all the watermelon ones

One day
I won't have to ask
"Still down?"
Because I'll be there
To see it myself

One day
You won't be 26 days away
But right there
In front of me

One day
I promise
And that'll be almost as magical
As you

i have a box
within,
a message lies for you
these are the secret words
to open the box

when the sun rises
you and I will meet
and when the wind blows
you will know my hearts words

my head is spinning
because im not winning
this battle in my head
i think im gonna be dead
my pain is taking over
my body's a little fuller

saokes my face
in a cold embrace
makes me laugh
its been a day and a half
of rain rain rain
ots sometimes a pain
but i love it!

you look at me
smiling happily
in that garden green
ivy and moss
small sweet faires
bluebells and daisys
i love your smile
its woth the while

the hatred
like a matrix
pulls you deeper
trying to climb but it's steeper
no love
you feel below not above
losing all hope
falling into desperation
it feels like suffocation
the hatred of a nation