Everyday I go to work
Everyday I get to home
Everyday I go to sleep

My life going to end without ever living it
My days going faster and faster
Social battery zero
Social life none

I have dreams about our future our beginning and our first conversation

These dreams and feelings are real to me
They make me happy

But I feel like a leaf and you're the tree and its almost autumn

Now I'm barely hanging from the branch of your life that I never couldn't be part of

But soon I will fall and be left to rot and
To suffer
As I see the new leaves grow to be more green than I ever could be

I like to think everyone is different in their own way

Everyone's thoughts are unique like a fingerprint

Someone's mind wandering in their own wonderland
Admiring how the springs leaves float in the air
Seeing the vivid colours of those leaves in their mind
The calmness it's brings to them

But on the other hand someone's thoughts dark as the winter night
Sees only the darkness surround them the sadness the pain the suffering
Eating them from the inside
Leaving an empty feeling without light


Everyone's view of the world so different of each other

Some see joy and laughter around them
Seeing the sunrise and enjoying life to the fullest
Feeling the suns warmth on a sunny day


Someone's view might be like the world's on fire burning everything they ever loved
seeing their lives slipping away
While watching raindrops sliding down the window reminding of the tears that has been shed
hopelessly trying to keep it together


Regardless of people's differences we shouldn't judge people for how they see the world

We should try to understand them and their situation in life and not to compare ourself to others

Someone's feelings aren't their faults
Those are what makes as humans
What makes us unique
What makes us loveable

It's hard trying to understand Someone's situation
when you haven't been in their shoes

It's hard trying to share what's going on inside you
when you don't quite understand it yourself.

It's hard to live when it's feels like you are all alone

It's hard to support
when you don't know what the other needs

It's hard to try to heal someone
when you're the one who needs healing the most

In this world you can be winner or loser
These are the standars we have been taught.

This is not what I believe
I believe we can be better day after day we must keep trying

We might be tired and depressed
But we need to keep pushing day after day
Sometimes just existing is enough

We cannot stop
We cannot give up
We cannot leave the close ones
We need to exist

Sometimes we feel bad about ourself
Sometimes we feel like no one loves us
Sometimes we feel like were nothing
But you are loved

Love is like storm
It can fade away slowly or grow to be life altering event

Love is like hope In the darkness
It can be light
It can be safety

But for me love is only a dream

I don't know how you're laughing and I'm crying
our father is dying

I don't how you do it
Laugh your pain away

I can't stand it
your so positive in your mind

I can't sleep at nights
I can't do anything to help
I can only think the worst

I need you father more than ever

I try to understand what I'm feeling

While everything else moves freely

I am a prisoner of my mind

Without a key I'm blind
to the answers I must find

My tears flowing my heart breaking
Your heart failing

Not yet please not yet
I'm crying and you're dying
Please not yet please not yet

When the day is over and I see the moon shine its light through my window, I feel this overwhelming wave of sadness and loneliness
These painfull thoughts that I'm trying to hopelessly push away, climb back in to my head and begins to drip down my face  as tears
But everytime I see my self come back to these familiar feelings and fill my head with these thoughts of loneliness, I feel in this twisted way more alive than ever

Although the truth probably is
I have never felt loved in my entire life

As my heart pumps this liquid that is filled with pain and thoughts of giving up
As my head wonders
What's the point of meeting new people if   if even I can't stand to look myself
Maybe if I just exist and push through my heart will go numb
Maybe I'm just invisible Maybe we all are
Maybe we see those who we love orhate
Maybe I'm just overthinking
Maybe it's just all in my head
Maybe I will just shut my brain

Maybe I will just end it all someday

But one thing is certain that day is not today

I feel lonely
I feel like I am nothing

I am sad

I have friends
But they don't give me the comfort I need

I am trembling

I dream about something or someone
I just don't know what or who

I am lost

I wonder what's wrong with me
I wonder is the world a better place without me

I am screaming

I start to wander deeper and deeper into the darkness of loneliness

Where is the light, where's the strength that is needed
It's so dark in here
It's so cold
It's so lonely
I'm shivering with fear
It's starting to feel like I'm trapped
Locked away behind a door with no handle no lock
Only a smooth surface similar to a wall
No way to open it
Fearing that I'm gonna be left here alone
Left to be rot

Everyone has masks in this life we live
I call them Layers of emotions that hide the feelings we try to keep away
Layers of steel to protect us from others
And from ourselfs
we want to forget the days that caused us the pain and suffering
As we put our shields up to keep others away
Our hearts broken and afraid
Our Mind asking if I go away
will the pain follow or move to new place

All this pain
I feel it up in my veins
It's flows faster than I can run away
I take corner and it's in my way
I can only hope the streets never end
Afraid of a dead end
Seeing the life I never lived to end

My heart breaking as my tears are racing
Writing this poem and Remembering That you've always been in my life
Always been there for me

Seeing the suffering of your illness
Filling me with thoughts of your death
Not certain of the future fearing the worst

Only If I could support you
Only if I could be brave
Only beeing afraid

Your smile reminds me of the sun.
It brightens my life

Your laughter it's like music to my ears. It makes me forget all my problems

Your eyes blue as the ocean the waves of emotion that I feel are overwhelming

But when I am alone.
I think about you non-stop and the life I dream about us together.

Only thinking if you saw this you would think only less of me.

So I eat myself from the inside watching you from the outside

Seeing you happy, smiling, laughing


I see you like that music
I see you like that food
I see you like those clothes
I see you I know you,
But you don't even know my name

The love I seek May only be just a Dream

But as long as I am alive
I will seek it with hope in my eyes

On rainy days when everything seems gray I will try to find you to brighten my day

In my dreams I see you there
So close but so far away

I will try my best to make you smile even if you wanted to cry

I will try my best to see you thrive even if you wanted to hide



I will do my best for you
even if I wanted to die

It's easier to supress the pain of loneliness
Its easier to hide your feelings and let them pile up
Its easier this way

But im afraid of the day Im full
Im afraid i will erupt like a volcano
Im afraid i will explode and others will flee
Im afraid i will be left alone