Time
Has always been a bane in my existence
Counting down to when the sun rises
When my chest heaves
Tears filled with hours and minutes
The small squalor of morning
Hum of engines
The world spinning on an axle of time
Smooth click click
Of keys
A horn or so down the street
Someone's speeding again
The impending boom
The war horn of the crash
Signaling that the time for someone else's life
Is up

When the stars fall by
I can't feel anything
It was my fault
No matter what I did
It would never fix anything
I was just on this frozen lake
I don't want to be here
I hate it here
It's always cold
And now that the stars I adored have fallen
There's no light
And soon enough there won't be air
And all I can do Is just stare up at this dark sky
And ask
How can this be fair?
I tried
But it was just like trying to swim without arms
And now that I'm happy
You have the nerve to be mad at me for letting go
I didn't understand you then I still don't know
I'm sorry
For what for I still can't figure it out

The way you look in the morning
How you think its disgusting and your hairs a wreck
You're right
Your hair is always a wreck
But its cute and mussed with sleep
Or hibernation
As I like to call it
But I never see the disgusting thing
Like maybe for you the sun just burns it away
But its not there to begin with
I'm jealous
Especially of your eyes
I joked once that
Whatever divine being got the task of tailoring your genetics
They did an experiment for science and put mood rings in your eyes
And I
I fell flat On my *** the first time I saw your eyes
Like holier than hell
Sometimes if I can't discern your mood
I will actually just use your eyes
I still love that little thing you do without noticing it
Stretching and tucking your face into your LEFT arm not your RIGHT arm
Or how your right eyebrow will just **** if something confuses you
Or just for no reason at all
I tried to help you open an ice pop over webcam
It didn't really go well
But I wanna say thank you
For the most wholesome moment I may or may not have Encountered in my life
I don't wanna laugh when you struggle but honestly could you blame me?
it was cute
I just wanted to say thank you
I could've said it by just saying those two words
But I guess this is an example of what's behind those two words
And there's so much more behind them
Thank you

Dark and Deep
And it hides between the sheets
Dark and deep
Deep in the sheets of your mind at least
Dark and Deep
You wanted to hide
Dark and deep
We know you tried
But you can’t hide
Dark deep you know you tried
But there’s no escape
Dark and deep
Your mind haunts you in your sleep
Running
Dark
And
Deep

I messed up
I loved you I'm sorry
It wasn't a mistake
Confirming it for you
Would only force me to acknowledge its existence
I'm on my knees
I shed a few tears
They slide down my face
Off of my chin
And in between my splayed hands
Shards of glass kissing my palms
Blood and tears rejoicing
I dug this grave
I stand up
I drop myself into it
I smile
Heaving up my brown crumbled blanket
Over my waist
Up to my collarbone
And over my head
The dirt absorbing the blood from the hole in my chest
I heard glass shatter
I felt a crack
I've been here before
Heard that sound before
Looking over my shoulder it hits me
You'll be here but I won't take that up
Father time gave me a specific amount
I probably shouldn't have
I spent it with you
While planning things in the background
Ribbons and pretty flowers twine up through the dirt
I close my eyes
One last breath escapes
One last bitter smile
Resentment towards myself
My fears
My insecurities
Not to mention how stubborn I am
I'll look happy but when you exhume my grave
Knock on my chest
You'll find a resounding hollowness
Bestowed by my own actions
What pretty flowers for such a sorrowful soul