I can't breathe
This darkness is consuming me
I can't breathe
I am drowning in my misery
I can't breathe
I am blind in this void
I can't breathe
I am being pulled under by something
I cannot avoid

I’m always trapped in a cage,
No matter how much I age,
People’s expectations,
My own limitations,
The iron bars surround me,
The cages won’t let me free,
I’m surrounded by my failures and guilt,
It was a cage I built,
But a cage nonetheless,
My soul bleeds pain like pus from an abscess,
Everything I’ve done,
Every failure on rerun,
Maybe eventually I’ll heal from all of this,
But I’m within the cages abyss,
Unable to fully be,
Until my cages set me free,

I have not changed
The same memories haunt me
I have not escaped
The same monsters chase me

The words still play in my mind
The boat is sinking
They have never been kind
I am overthinking

I am not the captain of this boat
I cannot outrun these nightmares
The cries stuck in my throat
My eyes dry of tears

Recovery is brutal
Is trying futile?

Some things are better off dead
Buried in the ground
The memories stuck in my head
Spiraling around and around

My soul sits in its tomb
My hopes are the coffin it lies in
My inner child is the surrounding gloom
My dreams are the flowers lying on the stone

My trauma make up the walls that surround
My pain is the drawings underground
My soul was buried with the shackles that bind me
I had to bury it all so it would let me breathe

You have to stop looking behind to look ahead
That’s why some things are better off dead

I will lose myself
if it means you can have it all.

I will give everything
if it means you will smile again.

I will, I will, I will.

I told the stars my pain, but they blinked in disbelief
As if the sky could not conceive a suffering so far beneath
Still their presence offerd a quiet relief

They say be careful
what you wish for
you just might get it.

I’ve taken three trips
around the sun
wanting you.

This morning
You reached out.
Now I don’t know
what to do.

Do I let if flow
Free fall
As we go?
Hairs raised
Eyes alert,
Look out for
Upcoming hurt?

Stiff as board
Just say no,
Just let it go?
Stay focused
on me,
continue to grow
my own tree?

Oh I wish
I knew exactly
What to do.

To have a heart
that’s shared love
Is an awfully tough
Mountain to move.