Diction

Diction Oct 2018

Ok, ready set go/
I'ma pull this trigger and let my mind explode/
Like a painted car crash that's about to unfold/
These thoughts are told/
Uncontrolled/
Covering these wall like the number twenty three/
Explaining my insanity/
Its the soul carried in me/
This pens writing being the key to unlocking it's locked chest behind my chest/
Tightening without rest to protect what's left/
If only they would try to understand/
That someday's I'm not always alright/
Specially when I'm to tired to fight/
So I'ma give into this depression/
Despite complication/
Hoping to find some satisfaction/
Be it wrong or right/
So I can lay down tonight/
Even if it is on this bed of rhymes/
So many times I've asked why/
Maybe this time I'll be able to bring to light/
What's been missing so long from sight/
So I won't always seem like I'm so impolite/
Late nights alone wanting to die/
When no ones there to answer me/
So I often scream trapped in this misery/
**** chivalry/
I'm worn out and lost/
Tired of my kids always paying the cost/
Why I'm so angry and *******/
Sick of doing the things I'm told I need to do/
Just so I can give my family something new/
Other then a new room to stay in each time we're having to move/
Because I can't talk to people about what it is I'm doing when I"m up till two/
Looking in this mirror I just wish you people knew/
What it is I really do thanks to you/
I'm grateful for all they've given my family/
Why can't they see that when they talk to me/
Maybe after this rhyme I write from my knees/
The clock flashing three/
They'll finally know I'm serious when i say/
I'm sorry/
I'm honestly trying/
Inside I'm dying/
I wish I was lying/
But it's hard to when I'm always crying/
Begging for understanding when I'm hiding/
Silently I'm signing/
This writing is what I'm feeling/
Help is what I'm needing/
Something other then misleading readings/
Cause for the first time this is me truly pleading/
This Colt.45 is problem deleting/
For the desperate human being/
Tired of these eyes bleeding/
No meaning/

Diction Oct 2018

So I Melt

Every night I'm sitting here getting high trying to feel alright\

But every night your not here is another fight\

Struggling inside with this evil version of myself\

Most of the time feeling like around my throat is a belt\

And it's only letting up when I take this lighter to the melt\

So I melt\

Every time the crying I felt\

Running down my face onto the paper I spent my last pen on\

Losing my self in this smoke and this song\

I know when I look in the mirrior this is wrong\

But its been like this for so many years now I'm already to far gone\

For any reason from anyone or myself to belong\

Anywhere in this version of what shouldn't be done\

So I melt\

The only family bond I have at the end of this\

Don't remember what it is to be sober so those days I can't miss\

What todays date\

Last I checked it was December 5th\

Got the day marked here on my wrist\

So I melt\

Waiting for the phone to answer saying I have help\

Treatment for this ******* life I've been dealt\

Someday I'm sure it will be on its way\

But today I'm just gonna have spend it feeling ok\

All the faces I'm faced with begin ta fade\

No lie this is the truth of my pain\

So I melt\

It's no secret myself I hate\

I know theres others that can relate\

Finding yourself pushing over and over that button to delete\

Wishing to take back some words you never meant to speak\

Spending the next week hiding under the bed sheets\

Wondering what it would take for some moment to personally keep\

Why I'm up getting high all night\

Praying never to see that sun light\

So l melt\

Just trying to be like everyone else I see\

Smoking this while I write to just feel alright\

Cause honestly\

Yesterday I went and got treatment\

Any moment now could be my last week\

Spending it trying to feel alright\

An just in case tonight is my last night\

I'ma get high while I got this light to the melt\

So I melt\

Diction Oct 2018

I See You and it's Cost

I see you sitting there face still
Stress peeking out from behind those grey eyes their suffering ever so real
I wish I could tell you it gets better but I wouldn't want you to call me a liar
Despair drowns out all hope as frustration takes away your ability to cope
It hurts to see you there asking to know why asking if someone's there as your ready to cry
Pleading with the demons inside your mind that keep telling you your fine
That you still have plenty of time
Their lies holding you blind taking away all that kept you tied
Trapped inside this place
Still your sitting there straight face
Heart seemingly broken when your feeling love is missing fighting depressive thinking
Wishing and dreaming of something other then this thing the keeps on breaking
Apart from those who are suppose to love you unconditionally saving you from the misery that's desperately angry and constantly feeding into every lie deliberately
All to have you despite the lines it might cross
Maybe the reason you believe to be alone and lost
The cost of using this pens point to describe the shattered mirror sought so please don't get lost in your suicide thoughts
Thats not what a better life really shud cost so take that knife an keep it soft when you drag the blade across
I promise sooner than later the hurt will stop

This was written for a girl I know pleading for suicide believing shes better off dead cut off from her family lost in the comfort of a drug as she's cries wanting to leave it's embrace at the same time.... I see you and I know where your at cause I'm here and I've been there so your not alone... I'm happy to be your friend and happy your here

#depression #drugs #sadness #pain #misery

Diction Oct 2018

Needle

I push it in and pull it back when i see the red flag I let it go and drive it home
Spending everyday under the point looking for some peace inside its crystal white
Head high in the glass clouds scattered across the hollow crowds
Worries left far behind in the lonely world where all my pain was heard
Tracks on my arm telling of the misery I've gone through each mark speaking of each night spent alone
No calls or messages on this silent phone trapped in my head the place I call home
So I pull this pen back once more letting all the tears go

Diction Oct 2018

Depression

With this paper and pen I let go of all this pain\
Watching moments pass me by with this life caught in a lonely rain\
Everyday wishing for something better when I write\
Questioning all the wrongs in my life\
Looking for that bright light kept just out of sight\
Suffering from depression that just won't leave me alone\
Living in an empty home hollow inside so I lose my self in this song\
So many days without you I don't know what to do\
Looking in this mirror without a clue to who it is staring back at me wish I knew\
Tierd of having to do so much on my own never having anyone call my phone\
Does anybody even know I'm alive it's not like I've been living a lie\
Spending hours asking why it's not like I didn't take the time to try\
No one's looking out for my best interest so I let this ink flow from this cut wrist\
Hope my suicide grants somebody's wish\
Now I'm saying my goodbyes not that anyone's wondering why\
No one listens maybe why I was able to find so many reasons\
Mind full of bad intentions\
These regrets I'm missing\
Killed by my depression suicide is my only mission\

Diction Oct 2018

Love and Lust

Love is the scare left behind by the knife blade forged with this lifes strife\

A patch to cover this wound that is my weakness believe this an know no kiss will bring the wanted bliss\

Known to come with love that blinds us lust u can always trust knowing this is a must\

Now open your heart an never mistake love for lust and with the first kiss turn the world to dust\

Diction Oct 2018

Yesterday Today Tomorrow

The light comes out to play every morning an every morning I wait to say goodbye/

Trapped in this day light of lies shinning in my eyes/

Image covered/

Permanently false an idolized like this is the world that was prophesized/

Diseased prized/

Covered in the human races pride/

Today's cyanide/

Recognition denied just another yesterday's problem pushed aside/

Like tomorrow's sunrise keep your eyes wide/

Or you'll miss that one of a kind moment when yesterday and today are tied/

As the moon kisses the sun on the horizon's side of beautifully blind/