You told me you loved me. I replied "what is love?" You told me you'd show me. I let you go on.

You hold me as if I'm fragile, yet you're aware that I can bare more than I appear.
You kiss me and I slowly wane to you.
You whisper in my ear the sweetest of words and I fall a little harder.
You look at me as though you can see within me, past my physical intentions.
You touch my lips, my heart stops.
You caress my face as you kiss my forehead,
I attempt to catch my breath.
Our fingers intertwine as you kiss every knuckle,
I melt within.
You sing to me the dearest of lyrics to help me sleep.
You call me just to say you love me.
You worry if I've eaten or if I've made it home. You worry if I'm upset or weary.
You ask of my past.
As if to catch up on what you've missed.
Even though you know we have the whole future to attend.


I told you I didn't know what love is. You replied " I'll show you".  

Love, when I can't go a day without you crossing my mind.
Love, when I'm in my happiest place yet I still feel as though you should be by my side.
Love, when I long for your presence, just so I can hold you.
Love, it's the honest truth.
Love, it's more poetic than any poem I write for you.

Misconceptions. Betrayal. Ruthless decisions. Again. Striking us as the black crow in the flock of pigeons. She's playing with the demons for an interest but when she's no longer amused they loosely stick around. She's gone to far. They must drag her in further. Overtaking her. Oh her children turning to drug abuse running wild while hiding behind a mask. Reaching her soul they can taste her regret. Self harm. And mental disruption. They're inside her head leading her in vain. Envying her little happiness. Pumping her blood with venom. Dark and misleading. Should she have not played with one to many, maybe our lives would be back to normal.

Its 2 a.m and i suppose i should be resenting some boy who's broken my heart or maybe relating my life to every cliche movie scene. Yet somehow all that's crossing my mind is how badly i needed a laugh. I needed a night where i could not let go, but let in. The cold air reassuring me that what I'm living is reality. I smiled and i didn't have to reassure my self it wasnt fake. How strange it was to realize that i feared my own fate. Not that i approved of the memories i built upon lies. But the unrealistic scenarios I played in my head seemed to distract me from the truth. Hiding behind a closed mouth with an open mind. Life hit me harder than the realization that i had to grow up. Confront the lies i built & deal with scenarios i dare not to imagine. Confronting the fact that life wasnt a desicion yet death is a given option. I realized i have two choices, live through reality or die between the lies.
All i can say now is im no longer afraid of my reality.

It's funny how something so simple like a high school  heartbreak can hold such a dark grudge on your heart. All these poems and all my cries. My venting and worrying all gone. My life feels so much lighter. Happier. You dont notice that your being held back until your finally released. One message. One message, changed this all. I put my ego to the side and talked to you first. After months of unanswered calls. We made ammends. I can breath without worrying what I intake. You don't realize you need peace until it reaches you outside of your nightmares. Peace, it's the only thing holding you back from reaching beyond your state of mind.

Habits or nature?
Or am I a failure?
It's resurfacing like a determined child.
Born to have gone wild.
Shall I bury it benith my feet?
Or await my defeat?
Oh they ask why I write poetry if it's always the same.
Confusing. Alluding. Manic. Erratic.
It's not writing but more like my life. Sunflowers and kisses? Isn't that all lies?
Yet you've never seem wonder why you hear cries?
I sit here trying to please you.
While you are on que.
It's not just one person.
You all seem to worsen.
Why call me out when you don't want to hear a shout?
I'll let you in on a secret....
There's no such thing as sweetness.

Unrest .
Unease.
No actual blank mind.
No inner peace.
No calm.
Growing weary.
Growing apetite.
Don't force me upon the truth, because all i've been built on is lies.
For when I fall I'll just be a dead exaggeration.

Impassivity;
No worry or fear
Just a blank face with an unemotional mind
The sun blinding  my face as I attempt to catch up on my life
Loud voices with many expressions
I cannot manage reality with fantasy nor can I understand
Jumping from horrid to hell
How do I keep my self still with no emotion?