It's a lot more work than you think you know it is
Living like this
Being her
******* crazy **** who's drunk 362 days of the year
******* dumb sack of **** living in a box
******* bad friend, lonely girl, *******
Gotta pull her while she kicks, objecting to society
"I'm going to **** myself"
Can't. Won't.
"I hate myself."
Not enough.
"I'm a good person."
Try harder.
"I'm beautiful."
Only for a minute.

Maybe I was born with something in me and its only goal was to implode. Maybe it's expanded so much it's bigger than my heart or any other ***** in here, and maybe now it's so large it controls my brain or it's causing me to collapse inward with it.
It's like a tumor but one that keeps you alive and speaks of bad ideas, *****, tormented secretive, painful, backward, muddly, inflicting kinds of ideas.

Sometimes, one of us calls the other,
throws a small stone and listens to hear the reply of ancient echoes.

Last night was longer,
about Ginsberg, alcoholic tendencies, the history of us.

He was drunk to the point of almost-constant repetition and forgetfulness, which it seems he always is, I think.

But still, we talked,
because I don't mind.

The bottle makes the truth come swimming out his lips.

"You're so handsome now," I said. Because it was true, he was.

And always was, even back on Myspace,
on back decks.

I once watched people walk into a hole filled with water in the ground.

Someone told me they were washing away their sins, but when they came out, they looked the same.

I didn't bathe in a hole
but today I look different.

Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com  
https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/
poeticdrivel.blogspot.com

                           Communists Didn’t Build the DeSoto

The tailfins of a rocket protruding from the sand
          We offer international standard rocket systems  
Out back where we stored the oxygen tanks
          in service in more than 30 NATO
Maybe thirty feet away from ICU
         and other countries (2.75’’ calibre
Thank God for poor Chinese quality control
         also called 70 mm) Operational on

Lots of countries in the rocket racket now
          more than 500 aircraft and helicopters
“Hi, honey; so how was your day at work?
          this rocket system is equipped with maintainable
The children have been waiting eagerly for you
          lightweight composite launchers with removable detents
And how nice it is that our children aren’t dead!”
          This rocket system provides full range of rocket types


The tailfins of rockets protruding from our souls
         offering extended range and terminal efficiency
I haven’t an answer for any of this
          Associated large portfolio of ammunition

A sunbeam is not bright enough
To match the glowing of my skin,
For when he looks at me and smiles
I radiate from deep within.

- p. winter

I would call but you never answer
I would text but you don’t reply
Why do I waste my time chasing you
When I don’t even cross your mind