Tonight I had plans
to study your voice and memorize
the exact color of your eyes.

Plans to lie in your arms
underneath the stars,
maybe sneak into your heart.

I didn't plan to sleep
because tomorrow I'll sleep in Boston
and our little chapter will be all done.

I'm already starting to forget
how your voice sounds,
and now I'll never find out.

But it's fine.
It's not like I even wanted
to say goodbye.

I want you
to tell me it'll be
okay

But you don't know
that things aren't okay

and I don't know
how to tell you
that I'm crying on the floor
rocking back and forth

and I don't know
how to ask
you to tell me
it'll be okay

but I need you
to tell me
it'll be okay

Normally my Demons
hide in the darkness
and they'll come out occasionally
to Laugh at me
and convince me things
I should know aren't True.

But tonight
one has Crept
through my ribcage
and into my fragile chest
putting Pressure against this heart
that isn't strong enough to Fight.

I feel it
an unwanted guest
occupying my body
reaching into my mind
clouding and squeezing
and every piece of me is tense.

And I long
to Break my chest open
to rip out this Demon
and send it away
but I cannot do this
and it Cackles at me
for it knows my limitations.

So I sit
and I Feel
the darkness of my intruder
waiting
for my Lights
to turn back on.

I cup my hand
capture water
pour it over
the little black ant;
it is washed away.

And instantly
my brain
demands
Do you know what
                                     you are guilty of?

I stare at the drain.
The ant is gone.
I am guilty of this.

Who are you
                         to decide
                                          who lives and
                                                             ­       who dies?
What makes you better than an ant?
From his perspective you are just as
Anonymous
and Meaningless
as he looks to you.

Water drips down my back and it is silent
save for the melody of droplets on tile.

What gives you the right to this space?
Why was his mere presence so offensive?
Why are you special?

Is it the ease with which you killed him?
You could do it
                             and so you did it?

*Does your power make you feel strong?

Imagine letting him live
wandering these tiled walls;
Aren't you glad you stopped it?