Drowning was never an option for me so I took the long way and swam back to shore.

I could have asked for help but when you're higher than a kite what's the point? The air rushing through your hair is pure and utter ecstasy.

Every touch, every sound, every single color... Magic couldn't begin to describe how I felt.

They say it only takes one time but it took a couple times and a couple different drugs but I think I've got it now.

I kept falling faster and deeper down this rabbit hole with little to no escape and the whole world was tipsy turvy by the time I figured out I needed help.

I lost that weight finally, I also lost some friends and family along the way... But I gained a best friend, or so I thought, one who would never let me down ( literally).

I couldn't be sure if the high was enough but it felt right at the time... Everything felt so... Good...

And the time came when I realized I had to stop feeling good and get back to reality... Who knew it would feel this bad?

I dug my grave and as far as I was concerned I had laid my head down deep beneath the earth ready to lay in the bed I made...but then you came around.

You got me back up.
Told me pretty things that made me feel Better than these drugs... Which was almost (easy enough?) hard to believe.

And drowning was never an option... So I swam back to shore leaving the high to fall slowly back to earth.

I felt slightly uneasy and slightly confused.
I was disorientated and I couldn't figure out how to stand straight.
The empathy in the room was gone.
It was filled with soulless creatures I once called friends.

The devil danced on my back and I found myself watching all the people I once loved turning into people I wanted to destroy.
Little things set me off and my patience was thinner then paper.
I could see through the looking glass- my memories were just over the rabbit hole and beyond.

Instead, I slipped farther down and down into the core of the earth until the darkness took control.
I could feel the heat- the rising of anger and jealousy that kept me from being happy for them.
I hated them.
I wanted them out of my life.

But I kept them around to help fuel the fire that was keeping me alive.
I kept them there so when I went to bed lonely and sad - least I was warmed by bitterness.
I kept them so when the envious monster of jealously came pouring down my throat-- least I wouldn't be thirsty for something I knew I'd never have.

It doesn't take one thing to send you into the pessimistic oblivion you call life- it takes an avalanche.
It takes a hurricane of pain and sadness.
It takes a tornado of loneliness and pity.
It took a massive earthquake of people telling you over and over again things were going to be okay.

The devil is dancing on my shoulders again, and he's threatening me with the idea that if I just give up now- maybe I won't be alone forever.
That the ghost's and demons will keep me company.
That the memories will be enough to hold me over.

Maybe I'll let him win, maybe I won't.
Maybe someone will help me out of this mess I call life...
or Maybe they won't.