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BeautyinChaos Aug 2018
How do I know if it's love?
Does a simple moment take control of my mind
Focusing on the sweetest words I heard you say
Grasping at the tendrils of a beautiful future

How do you know that it's love?
Does calling my name cause your heart to stop
Staring into my soul makes you lose yourself
To a sea of vibrant words and passionate eyes

How do we know that it's love?
Do we veil reality with a beautifully woven cloth
Whispering from our honey coated lips
Shivering from a sweetness convinced it's nothing but pure
BeautyinChaos Mar 2018
I was in first grade the first time he touched me
Sitting in class enjoying my innocence when I felt a hand on my leg
Confusing
fear
Innocence
I wonder now what innocence means
As his hand slipped into my pants
Threatening me I shouldn't tell
Couldn't tell
I'd be in trouble
The goody-two shoes
The thought suffocated me
It stiffled the fight
Mom would be so upset

It didn't stop
For months
I hated going to school
Hated sitting beside him
The troublemaker
Beside the good girl
Maybe she'll be a good influence
She wasn't
Not while he had his hand in her pants
telling her what to feel
Telling her what he was going to do
Or else he'd tell
Tell the teacher who was supposed to care
Tell the parents who should have protected
Break the girl who had done nothing wrong
Was this what adults meant by love?
Control
Fear
Immense shame

She never told
Who would believe her now
That child is dead
Replaced by someone who claws
Begs for a feeling of innocence again
Something to take it back
To replace the childhood that was shattered
But don't tell mom
Don't tell dad
Break slowly inside
As the emotions roll over
Your fault
You never stopped it
Bet you even liked it
Can't handle reality

Never tell.

I'm so broken now
A shattered child lives somewhere deep in my heart, paralyzed on the floor, trapped by fear, afraid to even cry for help
The public school system ****** up
BeautyinChaos Mar 2018
You held me in place with that commanding look
writhing under your gaze
unable to look away from the piercing sight
and afraid to disobey any order

If it was uttered from your lips
my heart would have soared, stretched, and broken
to be praised by your words
or tenderly touched with your rough hands

I could feel your hand on my neck
squeezing slowly until the blood started pounding
my pain was your pleasure
and your pleasure was my purpose

Little did I know that you would be squeezing too strongly
the ropes were too tight around my waist
the collar choking my neck
no amount of clawing would have made you let go
so I went limp with my love

A submissive gives trust
yields to whoever they believe is worthy
submitting more than their body
but their very essence

A dominant is supposed to wield that trust
to protect and realize the significance of it
not squeeze and suffocate it
pretending that lies warrant trust in return

I could not have been enough for your demands
and you broke the trust I gingerly placed in your hands
Take your bonds and pretend to wrap them around someone else
my being can take no more of your bruising
BeautyinChaos Feb 2018
My phone battery lasts longer without your name popping up
But I can barely make it 3 hours without begging for a moment to recharge
It's a painful reminder that something so beautiful had to end
Leaving a void on the screen that once blinked and shone bright

It takes me twenty times longer to get things done
My mind will drag me off to a corner and replay videos of playful feet touching under a dinner table
And secret looks shared between passionate eyes

My stuffed animals miss you
That's what they tell me since I have no one to hold at night but them
They whisper and caress my hair until I fall asleep
Or was that another dream of what we should have had

You lied to me
Stop trying to redeem yourself, or justify the facade
I gave you more than three chances to tell me the truth
And it broke my heart that you never once did

I know its easier for you to blame me
So I said I didn't love you like I used to. I spared you the pain that you put me through
but you truly dug the knife in my love

I don't know how to be happy in this eerie place called loneliness
The sun was blocked out along with your laugh and the freckles that painted your cheeks
How does one become happy again, happy when you're all alone

I love you
But you'll never hear those words again because you broke my trust
You broke my heart
And you broke me
I hope that I can face you again one day
But these are the Things I'll Never Say
BeautyinChaos Sep 2017
I kept you chained to the floor
beating on your body like the high tide against the shore
Every blow that fell upon your skin
caused a smile to play upon my lips
and security to encase my heart
Because you
can never
leave.
You've stopped screaming to be let out
My body aches for a sound from you to confirm my existence
I'd give anything to hear but a whimper from you
that sweet melody of doubt and fear
but you
should never
leave.
Your lifeless body haunts my dreams
as part of me dies with you
I beg of you not to leave me alone
You were the beauty in the room
will you stay if I say the whips were but a game
Now I
should let
you leave.
I kept you chained to the floor
your freedom was but a distant thought in the stale air
once granted
you malnourished body stood proudly
belittling the years worth of chains
spiting me for having buried you so deep
but my dear,
I'm glad that I let you out.
Most likely a draft, but needed to write.
BeautyinChaos Aug 2017
A look from your mother
Is the end of bright, happy thoughts
That's the moment in which you know
You are not enough

A look from your father
Gently caresses your wild hair
Trying to make up for everything
That his other half has said to you

A look from your brother
Rips off the bandaid
But kisses the wound
Protecting you from things unsees

A look from your lover
Stops the world for an eternity
Embracing you for so long
You forget what it is to exist alone

But a look at yourself
Is a scream from a prisoner of Hell
Clawing and tearing for release
Knowing that heaven is so close
Food without comfort
BeautyinChaos Aug 2017
A smile plays on my lips
one hand caressing my cheek
And the other is firmly on my neck
Squeezing sweetly, cutting off the air
So that I can finally breathe

— The End —