Dancing a dangerous tango,
Every step perfectly aligned,
A dance of give and take,
Both in want of one another.

Bodies close, but not too close,
Enough to create goosebumps,
And make fine hairs stand on end.

Like balancing a ball of fire in the heart,
Keeping it from rolling into one lung or the other.
Your eyes dance with mine,
Even more dangerous than our waltz.

We both know what we want,
But neither is giving an inch.
No quarter need be given,
If we mutually surrendered,
To love.

"Where do you see yourself in ten years?"

That question took me off my very well reinforced guard.
My palms start feeling a little bit sweaty.
I hope they don't notice me starting to breathe faster.

Ten years?
I see myself being totally alone,
Maybe even dead, honestly.
I have that faulty heart.
I think it's getting worse...

Ten years?
I can't see myself past tomorrow,
Worthless as I am.
Ten years is incomprehensible to me.
Literally, I can't comprehend it!

"In ten years, I hope to have made myself a better man. To be someone admired and respected, with a deeper understanding of morals and values."

I lied through my teeth...
I'm such a wreck.

I remember the last day i seen you.
Its still etched in my memory
even tho its been a century.
Today i see you and its nothing.. maybe if you seen me a couple of days ago things would of been different but.. last night i gave up on everything completely, whats the point if at the end of the day i fall apart no matter if it was good or bad it only ends in self destruction. Sure i sound like a pessimists but i simply cant see the bright side anymore.. besides him who do i really have. No one. And im not even sure that he's really there maybe he's only here physically idk.  And im terrified to find out. All this uncertainty is drowning out my voice of reason.

Ill never forget the sickening feeling i got when i watched you try to swallow a handfull of pills.. i quiet literally cried so hard it made me physically sick and everything went black with the thought of you dying... i didnt have the stregnth to stand anymore, i collapsed with the weight of your pain.. im so glad he was there to stop you, because i all i could do was scream with the air that was left in my lungs because trying to take a breath was like trying to breathe under water..  to him i am forever grateful. I dont know what it is  that makes you so hateful.. everything after that seemed so... dark and hopeless. I am forever afraid, if just the thought of you not being here was enough to take the breath right out of me and make my whole world shake with destruction what am i going to do when you really do leave this world..

I didn't want to feel like this again.
I didn't want to attachment issues to come back.
They are my worst fear, and I dread they can make 6 months snap just like that.

My room seems so quite.
I have my music on full to block out the silence.
But these thoughts and these feelings are wounds and penetrations that are nothing more than violent.

And I'm overwhelmed by longing sensations.
I'm suffocated by numbing lacerations.
My skin is burning from the loneliness that is suppressed deep inside my stomach.

I sit with my plush animals so close to me, pressed upon my chest.
But when I hug them, they don't feel like home to me.
Though I promise I'm trying my best.

They are the issues that could ruin everything.
They are the thoughts that keep me up at night.
They are the anxieties and horrors that leave my throat feeling tight.

I'm holding back tears and I'm trying to stay calm.
But this is the after math of years of trauma, that leave me dreaming of only your arms..

A crownless king lies beside me
Each night as the day surrenders
Singing a song, playing a game
With the moon of the twenty eight days

Heavenly voice breaks through the air
As the story unravels its blossoms
Making us sway from side to side
Embraced together in the face of love

At dawn of day as the light creeps in
It feels like we are kissing the sky
This king in my arms, his virtues and charms
Bring each day new dream to life