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1d · 24
untitled
Vesper 1d
we text every day
we laugh (and we cry too)
all i can say is
thank you <3
<3
5d · 38
<3
Vesper 5d
<3
I wish I asked you sooner
Because now I feel complete
6d · 134
knowing nothing
Vesper 6d
Are you here to save me?
Or are you here to let me go
Because I don't know
Anymore
I"m done
6d · 9
loving him
Vesper 6d
Well, I think I'm in love
And I need the nightmares to wake me up
Because I don't know if love is real
Or if it's all a dream
Because my sleep lasts eons
And the dreams last centuries
But the nightmares last forever
I still have nightmares of her coming back
But I have dreams of loving him
But I don't know how it would go
If I show the world what I know
And what I think
And all my fears
The world's hate would open up to me
So just leave me be
And let me love him
Let me be just who I am
And let me think what I want to know

I swear that I would do anything
Just to be brave enough to tell someone
But I can't
All I want is you right now
But I know I have to face my fears
Because if I don't, then what will happen
Will all the tears just be for nothing
7d · 24
Untitled
Vesper 7d
lied to
for eight months
we called every day
for an hour
maybe two
and i fell for you
and i thought you fell for me

but you were lying
a skillful actor
with bronze skin
that i used to yearn

you moved on
as if i was an item
sitting in a window
that you didn't want

and now you're sorry
you didn't know how to say no
to me
that's no excuse  
for blood and tears
a while ago i had an ex, and we dated for about 2 months before she broke up with me. I spent 8 months thinking that i was the ******* problem.
7d · 29
confused
Vesper 7d
you've crossed the threshold
put your feelings into the world
because you are so brave
braver than i'll ever be
and i'm not ready to show them
but i'm ready to show you?
7d · 41
lover
Vesper 7d
i'm scared
so scared
that by the time i answer
you wont like me back
it seems like love
happens in a flash
a blink of an eye
they say that i'll know the right time
is that now?
Jun 3 · 235
Subconsciousness
Vesper Jun 3
I wake up crying
Dying inside
Tell my parents that i'm ok
But i'm really not
And I hate it when they push further
Because they know that I am lying
But I need them to push me to keep me alive
And I hate the pain of the knife against my skin
But I love the punishment for my sins
I don't think that I can do this anymore
*It hurts too much to try
Jun 1 · 16
fake
Vesper Jun 1
I really loved you that time.
I really did.
And I thought you loved me back.
But then you ran off with him,
Just like all the other ones will
Jun 1 · 81
worse before better
Vesper Jun 1
they say that it gets worse before it gets better-
-and now i'm scared
because if that was bad
what could worse mean for me
May 30 · 156
Betrayal
Vesper May 30
It hurts
When I give you my feelings
And you brush them off
Like dust on your jeans
May 30 · 85
Truly Dead
Vesper May 30
No one knows what it really means to die.
What does it mean to be truly dead?
Does it mean that your heart stops beating?
Or is it when you are forgotten?
Or is it when the person inside of you is broken?
And you never cry again?
It's a shame
That everybody will forget my name
Move along with their lives
God, I'm so childish
To think I ever meant something to anybody
May 30 · 53
That Night
Vesper May 30
I don't feel pain anymore.
Not since that night-
That fateful night-
Where a boy became a man

I am no longer myself
I don't know who I am
Not since that night-
That horrible night-
Where my mind was broken

I haven't felt love
She lied, but I died
Not since that night-
That rainy night-
Where I finally broke
May 2 · 117
fallen
Vesper May 2
i was 14 days clean
before it happened again
i knew that i shouldnt
but i did it anyways

the pain has never fully left me
i dont believe it ever will
but this time
it might have been too deep

now i walk with a slight limp
cause it hurts to walk
and people
are starting to stare

ive got so many problems
so where do i start
ill just bathe in a pool of sorrow

ill do it tomorrow
Apr 15 · 49
euphoria
Vesper Apr 15
cutting
      scratching
                     deeper

euphoria
takes my body by surprise
i cant stop it
do i want to?

i have to
    before
          it
            takes
                  me
                       more
Feb 28 · 233
Sensitive
Vesper Feb 28
It feels like as soon as I say a word
It's examined
Looked over
And they find something wrong with it
Why are they all so sensitive?
Feb 6 · 221
Feelings Changing
Vesper Feb 6
I don't think
That I just like girls anymore
But I don't know what I know
I think people will find out
I think people will know
I'm very confused
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Feb 3 · 301
fucked up
Vesper Feb 3
****** up mind
****** up life
****** up world
it seems like everything is terrible nowadays
Feb 3 · 201
happy snow
Vesper Feb 3
looking out my window at night
watching the snowflakes fall like frozen tears
wiped away from a crying face

i walked outside to catch snowflakes in my mouth
happy for the first time in while
smiling- a real one this time
not just a fake upturned mouth

rushing inside to tell my sister
seeing my mom smiling
seeing my dad sleeping
i love being happy
i wish
i was happy every day
Feb 2 · 94
Untitled
Vesper Feb 2
the tears fallen create pools and lakes
shimmering blue in the new day sun
dripping from my face like rain droplets
flowing from clouds of fluff
no, i dont think this life is for me
Jan 27 · 101
Not knowing why
Vesper Jan 27
Not knowing why
I try
Just to fail again
Get back up
Get pushed down
Not knowing why
Not knowing why...
Jan 25 · 80
Untitled
Vesper Jan 25
I don't know the path to take
I don't know the people to trust
For they all seem amazing
But under all that ****
They're all just Ghosts

They leave me when I most need it
I should have seen right through them
I don't know how I didn't see
The Ghosts

Even when I t'was younger
I never could have been more fonder
Of the Ghosts

Growing up I should have seen
The Ghosts
singing poems ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Vesper Jan 25
I have no words
For the fallen

I have no feelings
For the broken

For the fallen made others fall

And the broken made others broke

So when their crescent shine
Comes to a stop
The past fallen and broken on top
I was singing as i wrote this lol
Jan 23 · 1.3k
Fat
Vesper Jan 23
Fat
Sitting
Crying
Wishing less
Wanting more
I can't hide myself anymore
The sweatshirts too small
My body too big

Wishing the hurtful words would stop
Not just from you but me
I feel as if I'm going to pop

Skipping meals
Drinking soda
Eating salad
Having dessert

I tell myself that they don't notice
But I think they do
Jan 23 · 114
Bigger and Bigger
Vesper Jan 23
I cannot stop myself from giving in
To chocolates, to candies
And I just get bigger and bigger
"One more piece"
I tell myself
Jan 21 · 110
Believe in something
Vesper Jan 21
I have always wondered where we all came from.
Where we all were, before the big bang.
Such a slim chance, that we're all here today.
So here I think
I don't believe in god-
No-
I believe in something
Jan 21 · 141
Bad Poetry
Vesper Jan 21
I can't write poetry.
I want to write powerful things-
-But I cant.
I want people to see my poems-
-But they don't
I want to be okay without the affirmation of other people-
-But I'm not
And I can't understand
Why the last lines never come to me
Why I can't think of a powerful ending
I just can't
Write
Poetry
ik this aint gettin nothing either- 🥲
Jan 20 · 126
Depression
Vesper Jan 20
Depression, a multifaceted enigma, seeps into the crevices of existence, casting a shadow that lingers and weaves its intricate patterns within the mind. It's not merely a fleeting sadness but a persistent echo, resonating in the silent chambers of the heart, altering the very fabric of daily life. This condition, a complex interplay of genetics, environment, and experience, manifests uniquely in each soul, a tapestry woven with threads of emptiness, hopelessness, and disinterest in once-cherished pursuits.

The emotional toll of depression is profound, a heavy cloak that envelops the spirit, transforming joy into a distant memory. The world, once vibrant, now appears through a grayscale lens, where every breath feels burdensome, every step unsteady. Faces of loved ones blur, and the comfort of sleep is replaced by a haunting dread. The mind becomes a labyrinth, a maze of twisted paths leading to rooms where sorrow bathes, and hope flickers faintly like a distant star.

In the depths of this silent struggle, the body bears witness to the mind's turmoil. Chronic pain, digestive woes, and somatic echoes of the unseen battle further complicate the journey. Depression's presence is a whisper, a constant companion that isolates and alienates, feeding on societal stigma and misconceptions. The silent scream of the soul remains unheard, as the weight of judgment and misunderstanding stifles cries for help.

The causes of this somber state are as varied as the individuals it touches. Biological factors, intricate dances of neurochemicals, and hereditary shadows intertwine with psychological scars and environmental trials. Early traumas, chronic stress, and the harsh whispers of self-doubt blend into a symphony of despair. Yet, within this desolation lies a resilience, a glimmer of light that refuses to be extinguished.

The path to healing is a mosaic of therapies and treatments, a delicate balance of cognitive restructuring and chemical support. Medication, a balm for neurochemical storms, accompanies the guiding hand of therapy. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), a beacon in the darkness, helps to unweave negative thought patterns, offering new perspectives and hope. Lifestyle changes, like threads of gold, weave through the tapestry, adding strength to the fabric of daily life.

Social support, a lifeline, anchors the soul amidst the tempest. Friends, family, and support groups offer solace, understanding, and a sense of belonging. The journey is long and winding, marked by relapses and remissions, but hope remains a steadfast companion. Public health initiatives, advocacy, and open conversations about mental health shine a light on the path ahead, challenging stigma and promoting understanding.

Living with depression is an ongoing journey, a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It requires patience, compassion, and continual self-awareness. Each step, though tremulous, is a testament to strength and courage. Advocacy and education play crucial roles in fostering a culture of empathy, breaking down barriers, and ensuring that no one faces this journey alone.

In the vast expanse of the human experience, depression is a deeply complex and multifaceted condition. Its shadows touch every aspect of life, but within the darkness, the dawn awaits. With comprehensive care, support, and awareness, individuals can navigate the labyrinth of depression and emerge into the light, finding hope and healing in the embrace of understanding and compassion.
Living with depression *****. Especially in your younger life. Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with depression. This has affected my life in so many ways, but I am pushing through it, and almost done with my process! Wish me luck! (this has been in progress for a while, and yes i did use some ai to help me find nice words, but just wanted to put it out there. (why does the ai thing say 77.4 ai ***))
Jan 20 · 91
Untitled
Vesper Jan 20
Who are we?
We are children of god!
He created us all!
The people with religions have answers
So why don't I?

Who are we?
We are the spirits of the earth!
Treat the world like you would treat your wife!
The environmentalists have answers
So why don't I?

Mabye
We're just
People?
Jan 20 · 290
1's and 2's
Vesper Jan 20
One is two
Three is four
And out the door I go
Before the low
I'll play a show
For you to laugh some more
little poem i came up with in my head (:
Jan 18 · 118
Untitled
Vesper Jan 18
You aren't the same
As you were
When we were kids

You aren't the same
Because when I saw you with her
You were different

So many things I want to say to you
Before you drift away
Like leaves in the wind

You left me on read again
Are you okay?
Is it that girl?
What happened to you?

Fifty-four calls
Thirty-six texts
You might have given up
But I haven't
Because I know that you
Are still that same little boy
Playing in the water
With me

And just like that
You're gone
Didn't even have the chance to say goodbye
I saw the news
That smiling face
Wish I could have seen it
One
Last..
Time....
Jan 18 · 80
Nothing
Vesper Jan 18
Please let me go
I want to see my family
My friends
My people
But I know as soon as I leave
I'll go back to my room
And cry again

Why can't I ******* do this
I know I can
I know I can
But I never do it

My father tells me
That the answer is to
"Just do it"
But I want an easier way
I don't understand
Why they never
Understand

Maybe I'm the problem
The one who doesn't understand
The one who never cared
About other peoples feelings
I've been called a sociopath
A *******
But I don't think I am
Am I?

I don't want to be nothing
I don't want to leave
Maybe it's better
If the masochistic sociopathic depressed sad angry nobody leaves.
Jan 18 · 87
472
Vesper Jan 18
472
There are times in stories
Where you think the story aught to end
But it don't
Sometimes I can relate that to poetry
Where the poem should end
Sound better that way
But I don't
Stop
Writing
Jan 18 · 101
Wishing
Vesper Jan 18
Wishing the voices would stop
Wishing the matrix to stop calling
Wishing to die-
But then come back
And do it all again
Vesper Jan 18
Will there ever be a day?
Where I do not live in fear?
Of your constant watch?

Will there ever be a day?
Where I find real love?
For more than a minute?

Will there ever be a day?
Where the shadows stop lurking?
Where the voices stop talking?

Will there ever be a day?
Where I figure this out?
Where I can fall down and rest?

Will there ever be a day?
Where I am truly alone?

Sometimes it feels
Like the days have passed
Slower and Slower
Faster and Faster
It feels like the days I aught for
Are already gone
Just a memory
Floating in the wind

So I keep wondering...
Will there ever be a day?
Jan 18 · 99
Snake-Like
Vesper Jan 18
You've got fangs
That sink into the skins of men
Poisoning them and thinking they really are someone
You've got scales
Slimy and Rigid
Ugly and Disgusting
You've got yellow eyes
Piercing gaze
Striking fear into the hearts of men
You're snake-like
You belong in a cage
To be laughed at
To be made faces at
YOU ARE A SNAKE
Jan 16 · 116
'Friends'
Vesper Jan 16
I thought I had lots of friends
But they were friends
Just not real ones

I tried to confide in one that I really trusted
Just water off a ducks back
I almost cried at another
'Dude. Stop crying.'

Back then I wished
To have more friends
I guess I wish they were real
Jan 16 · 60
Ups and Downs
Vesper Jan 16
Sometimes
We feel like falling down
Feel like screaming
Like crying
Like giving up

What's the point of life?
If it was all ups?
And no downs?

I bet it would be boring
I bet it would be sad
If there is no challenges in life
How are you supposed to grow?

That's the truth
We wouldn't grow
Become spoiled
Wanting more
What a sad life it would be
Without the Ups and Downs
Jan 16 · 99
712
Vesper Jan 16
712
What if you died instead
What if you cried instead
What if I was the one who lied
What if my wounds dried
What if you didn't have black eyes
I wish I hadn't said so many 'whys'
Now it's your turn to say the final 'goodbye'
Jan 16 · 194
Flowing
Vesper Jan 16
I don't know
    What's the flow
            It seems to take me further

                   Sometimes the flow is slow
            And other times
                                                                    Fast


                     It takes me to many places
                      That I cannot describe
              Full of color
                                                                  Love

                         I wish the flow would never end
                                 But it does
Jan 10 · 101
583
Vesper Jan 10
583
i spent so long
trying to find a way
but it only took me day
to find out that way was gone
Jan 10 · 210
crocodile tears
Vesper Jan 10
you cry so often
and for what do you cry for
you haven't experienced hardship
you haven't experienced pain
just not like i have
so stop crying those crocodile tears
and stop faking the friends
stop pretending like you are someone you aren't
and maybe you won't cry no more
Jan 9 · 77
Shoot.
Vesper Jan 9
Cold metal pressed against sweat.
Tears wetting my damp clothes.
Pitter-patter of rain against the ground as children sleep.
I cry for help, but no-one answers.
Shoot. Why can't I shoot.
Pitter-patter. More rain.
Damp shirt. More tears.
Why can't I end it all?
Every single night I scream.
It's so much easier this way.
SHOOT. WHY CAN'T I SHOOT.
I hear children laughing, and mothers loving,
I hear men working through the night, ready to go back to their families.
SHOOT. WHY CAN'T I SHOOT.
I hear a crack, and it all goes black.
Jan 8 · 147
biana
Vesper Jan 8
biana the *****
you broke my heart
even super glue wont help it this time
because now every day
every wish
11:11
is praying on your downfall
i know i shouldnt
but the buckets of tears i cried
say otherwise
if you felt this pain i felt
would you still look at me that same way?
Jan 6 · 94
Slurs
Vesper Jan 6
The slurs flow like water
Whenever I try to get you help
They feel like fire
But you don't care
We're still friends
Again & Again
More words
More pain
But if I walk away will you still be ok?
Jan 6 · 92
More & More
Vesper Jan 6
You give me so much
You make me happy
But I get mad
So often
So ******* often
It feels cold
When you cry
Because all i want is More & More
Again & Again
Will I ever be happy with what I have?
Jan 6 · 255
liar
Vesper Jan 6
liar
you said you loved me
liar
you said you would be there
liar
you said you would cheer me up
liar
you said you hated me
liar
you'll never leave me
liar
i'll teach you a lesson
liar
i hope you feel the pain i felt when the worlds collided and i was in between them
Jan 6 · 94
IM BACCCKCKCKC
Vesper Jan 6
I couldnt wait more that like two weeks to write poetry again sooooooooooo
Here i am

(:
Dec 2024 · 272
Goodbye. (for now)
Vesper Dec 2024
Hey guys! This is the last time that I will be on this website until at least February 2025. There is so much going on in my life, and i need to take a break from all my hobbies at the moment. I love you all!
<33

#PEACEOUT
Dec 2024 · 97
Suicide
Vesper Dec 2024
Growing up, I wondered why anyone would commit suicide. Why would you want to leave this earth? Why would you give up your beautiful life?
When I got a little over, I got scared of death. That made me appreciate life even more. Why would you want to **** yourself?
But getting a little older, I understand. I understand the reasons, I know why you need a break. But life is better than that.
Even if you feel the void of life
******* you in, calling you
And all you want to do is give up
Fall down into a ravine
Cut yourself into a river of blood
Cry until the ocean rises
Die
Everything is better
than Suicide.
<3
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